Tuesday, 23 December 2014
i feel different
i have changed. plainly. easily
weeks ago my roomie sent me a personality test set up by a famous Chinese writer/tv baldie personality. Well you can check it out its entirety in Chinese here. the basis of it is you belong to either of the four colours red, yellow, blue and green with different character profiles to match. of course you know how these tests go... how possibly accurate can they be and how can you even start to sort 7 billion people into four distinct groups?
well hey anyway here's my result. i came up with a red-blue personality... for tldr or too chinese; didn't read, red-blue presence in a single personality is nought possible - it translates into a confused personality which requires much Digging for the Truth
/
if i can be honest by myself
and compare the way i feel before and now
there is a plain difference, of
less fear (idek)
more feel. when emotions and feelings were pure, clear and 100%. everything is straight-out fresh. i have an allegory for this. you know when you taste something REAL good for the first time and you try to seek that feeling again except that when you head back it's only 80%... almost like drugs (never tried but yknow) and i'm afraid that it will only be this way here on out. erosion of my core and such
less efficient. i suddenly realise as we grow older we don't necessarily grow wiser, maybe just more efficient - cutting out on waiting time, planning in advance, doing things the 'smart' adult way
idek what this is... just a blabber of my consciousness?
self awareness is painful ///////////
i just feel like at 24 i should have done something, or be doing something of substance
i also realise how i have complicated myself. through thinking. being so careful. i hate the way i am now. thinking in advance. i just need to be constantly drunk
ok im thinking. this all probably stems from all the failures i've been/had, mistakes i've made. how do i reconcile my past and now?
all these irreconcilable differences are SOLELY within myself
idk man am i on a arbitrary path to destruction?
fuck time. fuck growing up
fuck life
weeks ago my roomie sent me a personality test set up by a famous Chinese writer/tv baldie personality. Well you can check it out its entirety in Chinese here. the basis of it is you belong to either of the four colours red, yellow, blue and green with different character profiles to match. of course you know how these tests go... how possibly accurate can they be and how can you even start to sort 7 billion people into four distinct groups?
well hey anyway here's my result. i came up with a red-blue personality... for tldr or too chinese; didn't read, red-blue presence in a single personality is nought possible - it translates into a confused personality which requires much Digging for the Truth
/
if i can be honest by myself
and compare the way i feel before and now
there is a plain difference, of
less fear (idek)
more feel. when emotions and feelings were pure, clear and 100%. everything is straight-out fresh. i have an allegory for this. you know when you taste something REAL good for the first time and you try to seek that feeling again except that when you head back it's only 80%... almost like drugs (never tried but yknow) and i'm afraid that it will only be this way here on out. erosion of my core and such
less efficient. i suddenly realise as we grow older we don't necessarily grow wiser, maybe just more efficient - cutting out on waiting time, planning in advance, doing things the 'smart' adult way
idek what this is... just a blabber of my consciousness?
self awareness is painful ///////////
i just feel like at 24 i should have done something, or be doing something of substance
i also realise how i have complicated myself. through thinking. being so careful. i hate the way i am now. thinking in advance. i just need to be constantly drunk
ok im thinking. this all probably stems from all the failures i've been/had, mistakes i've made. how do i reconcile my past and now?
all these irreconcilable differences are SOLELY within myself
idk man am i on a arbitrary path to destruction?
fuck time. fuck growing up
fuck life
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
actually Singapore is quite okay lah
this is most peculiar but pre-Beijing i'd never have thought to have these trains of thoughts. (things they show on tv, in books (secondhand really) - of homesickness, attachment, sense of loss and other kuazhang emotions...
ok this, for me, is supposed to be the start of a new phase of life (who am i kidding... i'm like jaded to a certain point). ANYWAY IDK man before i left it was like #UNIVERSITY (i always felt discounted in teenage years because i didn't go to university, im thinking keg party etc. LOL) lifeinaforeigncountry, DORM PARTIES but reality is so boring lol
ok this, for me, is supposed to be the start of a new phase of life (who am i kidding... i'm like jaded to a certain point). ANYWAY IDK man before i left it was like #UNIVERSITY (i always felt discounted in teenage years because i didn't go to university, im thinking keg party etc. LOL) lifeinaforeigncountry, DORM PARTIES but reality is so boring lol
now i get I TOTALLY GET what 'feels like home' means. it's gotta be a literal thing
I LOVE SINGAPOREEEEEE BECAUSE:
- public transport
oh gOD DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WALKING IS REQUIRED CHINA? WALK FROM HOTEL TO MRT IS LIKE WALKING FROM SENGKANG TO PUNGGOL PLIS - O food, Glorious food! This deserves a comprehensive sub-list all by itself:
a. mixed vegetable rice aka CHAP CHAI PNG
oh my gawd it is so difficult to find hojiak mix-and-match food okay. the Chinese have their own fast food restaurants which are pretty decent but they doN'T TASTE LIKE NO CHAP CHAI PNG!!!!!!! and did i mention there is no fish??!?!?! how am i supposed to survive without fish?! it's chicken, beef or BLOODY POKE-YOU-WITH-MY-BONES-FRESHWATER-FISH
b. FISH SOUP
c. yakun set A and set C
d. prata
e. MCDONALDS BIG BREAKFAST WITH ICE MILO
d. 126 wintermelon barley + dimsum
e. salted egg yolk prawns
f. carrot cake
g. yong tau foo
h. waffle with peanut butter/ chocolate donut/ pandan cake
i. rojak
j. ban mian
k. bak kut teh
l. late night youtiao+soya bean milk combo
m. 叉烧烧肉饭
n. stingray
o. geylang lorong 9 frog porridge (and thereafter watching drive-thru "show" at the even-numbered lorongs)
p. satay with rice
q. ginger sliced fish rice
r. curry fish head (wow much passion) - malls
because i can just walk to Compass Point in 7 minutes and - well let's see what we can do here... 1) breakfast at Mcds, 2) breakfast at yakun, 3) buying discounted blueberries at cold storage, 4) shopping at watsons
- 24 hr kopitiam / Indian-muslim joints (why are they always in that indian-muslim combination anyway?)
my school nearby only got 24hr kfc leh - Walls $1 (or $1.20 in 2014) ice cream
i nominate the Cathay uncle for Best Walls Ice Cream Uncle in Singapore Award, because there is no other - family
- JB
cuz JB is my backyard for rm7 movies and half-priced contact lens - night parties
cuz le night time is the best part of the day and i'm forbidden to go out late (which according to my mama is around 7pm lol) // plus it is absolutely safe to chope seat with your bag and leave it lying there in Singapore - generally-friendly people
awesome uncles and aunties - one people one nation
cuz i can't bitch about China People when i'm there - TEH INTERNETS
OMG! OMG! YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS RIGHT?! YOUTUBE IS MY SANITY... why are you my clarity? why are you my remedy? soooo gonna purchase vpn and youtube/twitter the shit out of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)