Chh-ch-ch-ch-chECKLIST

now that i am officially jobless (actually it is the second week, counting from the last day of August) i find a booming need to organise my thoughts and actions (into action). things to do:

1. pack my room (done! ugh nothing can ever feel as cathartic as packing. it is really hard to start but according to research, anything that you wanna put off, do it for four minutes, it gets magically easier) 

WELL HEY IT IS ACTUALLY WORKING WHILE I'M WRITING THIS SHIT NUTHIN'S GUNNA STOP ME NOW 

i should really try applying this to real-life social situations

i am so easily attached to things. every piece of toy is like a horcrux, A PIECE OF ME! childhood memories unlocked on sight. and every piece i decide to give away to charity shatters my heart. still, has to be done. so my heart gets shattered, mended and reshattered x237123901 times :'(

2. pack my gifs

the most treasured things in folders i harddisk-copied from work. so much joy and memory, so much awesome. this is a pretty huge undertaking. ok, gotta make it a Thursday Task
+music (delete all teenager music, HA!)

I ALSO JUST FOUND OUT IT IS EXTREMELY EASY TO GET DISTRACTED BY TABS AND GOOGLING FOR GIFS

another four minutes to get into the groove

3. read more

just generally everything. not sure if it is because we stopped the newspaper subscription or that i just lazied off. i am so apathetic and that probably explains why i don't feel much of anything to blog about anymore

also, too much of gossipy stuff 

read: serina wee

probably should clean up my twitter following to streamline da information. 

other than that i am still on ASOIAF OH MY GOD IT LIVES WITHIN ME i just cannot believe it isn't real well it just makes my life a little bit more exciting i live through ALL OF THEM ESPECIALLY JON SNOW 

you know nothing, jon snow

(daenerys is obviously GRRM's favourite character to write. she's like an anti-manic pixie dream hot blonde girl)

4. solve crisis and/ or look for jobs

the usual quart-life crisis (if i were to live till 100). i see it both ways and i have to record this before i forget.

Pathway A:

YOLO type

which explains why i've applied for a tram operator / animal trainer-presenter at the zoo 

I MEAN I HAVE NEVER STOPPED HAVING THIS DREAM. no, not even after the bangla got eaten by the tiger

like, even if i'd grow to hate it, at least i have tried. all i wanna do is play with animals and get paid for eeeeet

Pathway B:

which has to be broken down into four startup ideas i have

a. import business for sportswear (I MEAN GAWD COME ON THE MARKET FOR IT i just hope i won't be too late when i start)

b. local blackmilk

c. clean eating cafe (protein bar along the whey?)

d. gym (hahahahahaha)

e. one of the oldest ideas i have - a sewing rental + haberdasheries house to scam money off fashion students

which means i have to get really well-informed and well-cushioned and well-oiled and well done

i have also been reading a lot of http://www.cheerfulegg.com/, basically teaches you how to be rich by being smart and hardworking. i have at least started parts of it. no money to invest yet 

am i expecting a hardworking future self?! 

/

so there it is, two ways and tipping towards neither.

i feel like i should relate to those inspirational quote-on-blurred-out-background tumblr images on #LIFE #DREAMS #COURAGE #STRENGTH

but i can't! continues procrastinating on making a decision

/

meanwhile i'll just work on self-enrichment, alright? 

- draw

- explore the internet (tumblr willfully)

- CPR cert (stopped at bronze) (in case i need to be a lifeguard)

- open water cert (aiya no money)
- watch all my movies and tv OMG NEED TO BUY NEW HARD DISK
- play all the games! (arkham series + replay ocarina of time)

what a gap year-ish thing to do pretty soon i'll be volunteering at arthouses or backpacking over Europe

can you believe i wanted to do an Into the Wild... what was i thinking? watched too much of Man vs. Wild? LOL i'm way past it

/

right now i'm just too busy being a full-time daughter. i'm not bored at all. in fact, pretty amazed at what i've done last week. cleaning up my life physically, job applications every other day (either ways nobody has replied me so heck), being a satisfied client of exercise BUT HOW AM I GOING TO FEED MY CAT AND BUY NEW NIKES FOR MY BIRTHDAY //suddenly feel very eminem-y #foodstampsdontbuydiapers

kk should blog more, bye

my local gym love story (delusional post)

Well hello Hot Instructor,

It seems like

okay i guess i've seen you a couple times around? oh but that class! that was intense. can i just watch you demonstrate the moves and not really do anything for the rest of time? (exercise for the eyes and other organs)

it doesn't hurt that you touch me a lot. teach me, educate me! why do you whisper me sweet nothings? why do you ask me about my shoes? are you trying to strike a conversation? why do you look me in the eyes? what does that gaze mean? why are your eyes so small?

pretty much, during all my free time, imagining scenarios. looking forward to fridays. taupok days, and you. 

and dinner after class.

(what quality of life am i having, planning things around gym and having favourite days because of class schedules)

I would do all those tumblr things to you, if you were mine.

Shall we take this blooming relationship outside of class?  

abrupt end of story.

/

i wish i still had those someecards feelings. it just seems like a really long time ago, yknow? feelings stretched and diluted across time. IDEK what kinda progress this is... checked my twitter and the first signs showed on April 13. well happy 3 month anniversary for my one-sided r/s!

(i actually bothered with physical stalking, attending his classes outside of that class. DOOD orchard on a monday night?! loving someone is tiring LOL)

yikes.

i wish i knew how to read signals/eye contact meaning(s). i mean like, is there some eye contact dictionary and explanation because i have a total lack of social skills and limited boy experience. well there are my brothers but i doubt that's a valid benchmark, yeah?

was he ever interested and if he did, have i missed the chance? 

UGGGGGGGHHHH

why can't i just think less and talk to people LOL hello hello execute Next Logical Step

oh had good times planning how-to-pick-up-hot-instructor. doing allll the wrong moves to get one-on-one attention? deliberately announcing dinner place? lol all talk no action

meanwhile despite the slow progress i shall just tell myself

but know this!

//update july 19: daisy helped me realise that i am probably just in love with his arms. passable with sleeves but absolutely mindblowing and PERFECT sleeveless WHATisthissorcery

aiya

what it feels like to be hot

I HAVE NO BLOODY IDEA

i have always wondered though - what does it feel like to be hot? it must be an epic cheat code right, like THERE IS NO COW LEVEL youpassallthetests

also, how does it feel like to have hot siblings? like emma/alex watson or jamie/cersei lannister

family brewing in hotness. //lemon incest

/

continuing the train of thought from the previous post *retrieves airy object from pensieve* lol

i don't think i will ever be in the capacity of feeling 'hot'. i mean like okay, i've been told how cute and 很美hor~ i am when i was a girl. these wonderfully kind auntie comments faded with age (then, glasses and jeans and nerdom) i never had much expectations yknow? like i don't think i was even bothered LOL so anti-cool

so for about the past year stranger things have happened  (is it just a phase i don't know yet) and i've been executing this primping plan

my q is how far does it go?

is there a hotness meter somewhere? 

if i get too hot will i become stupid?

should i cap my hotness at 80%?

is life fair?

am i just jealous?

i don't wanna be adriana lima i wanna be lara stone! 

but not too cool and overexposed to the point of karen elson

ok fair enough lara stone is equally overexposed

does it ever stop?

/

now i'm gonna tell you about The Subway Incident aka one-of-the-few-times-i-got-pretty-perks

subway the sandwich company not the MRT okay. alright.

so i was getting subway takeaway for le colleagues back in the office. a meal, and an extra ala carte cookie. it was two double chocs and a white macadamia? okay, so it goes like

subway dood: three cookies right?

i said a confused 'yeah' like HELLO didn't i just tell you that stop making me fucking repeat my order

subway dood packing everything, payment and stuff...

subway dood: oh, here's your cookie! (puts into bag)

i said 'orhhh' like HUH didn't you already put that in...

i only got the gist of the free cookie after leaving the place and triple-checking the receipt. YAY! HE DIDN'T CHARGE ME FOR THE EXTRA COOKIE WOOHOO FREE GIFT - um did i juST GET A FREE COOKIE like OMG WAS HE INTERESTED IN ME?!?!?! ME??? shit i didn't say my thanks

he wasn't looking particularly suggestive (i don't know what i was expecting like twitching eyebrows? lol)

i was even feeling paranoid annoyed that he didn't get the correct order (easily stressed ordering food for other people)

seriously? i just had doubts. doubts of the guy's taste. doubt of my attractiveness (dear lord that itself sounds weird) 

i was bouncing the idea around in my head and only managed to affirm that I, INDEED HAVE GOTTEN A FREE COOKIE DUE TO PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS because the free one was oat and raisin. how he know i like that one si0l

lol thanks dood made my day.

so anyway, i guess we're on track WHOOPASS

o dear lord can i get sum c00kies now what is this hunger

please don't judge me on my previous hair colour

i forgot to mention how much of an effort i'm putting in to become hot. yeah like sm0king hawwwwt

actually it's more like cash 


cannot stop owing the bro money. (OMG THANK YOU SINGAPORE BUDGET 2013) i have also started various irrevocable processes

1. facial. i must have spent what, 3k, plus products leh? also, got into the world of credit card instalments. EASY. we must tread carefully now, my friend shUT UP! SHUT UP!  
2. lol git sum purdy nail polish @sephora the other dae lolzzzzz
3. hair. probably another 1k there. in a flailing attempt to cut costs i have diy-ed my hair black. not a bad choice. inspired by rooney mara but got some brown bits. 
4. braces. 3.8k loan from mother
5. gym 

help i'm bleeding

why didn't i exploit the convention of contact lenses earlier?

why did i have friends?

why doesn't masumi_g tell laurasykora about her eyebrows?

when will a hot person ask me out? (cue: hot)

i guess i could post a really ugly picture of myself (not difficult to find. just tagged "photos of me" - you unkind friends) and do a side-by-side comparison but

IDEK

i miss this typing! slappin' on the keyboard. where's everybody?

how did writing become 'longform' reads?

+ can i finish reading an article in one go without flipping tabs?


feeling lonely in the blogosphere, lol

calmed tits

so i have unlocked all my posts and brought them back into one. over here. (took a while trying to crack the ol' login address... kasia_2003? ka_sia2003? lol - thank you lastpass saviour of forgotten accounts! then exporting, importing, SHOW TO PUBLIC) 

not sure why i like this url the best, hm

also, not really sure what this means. could be a couple of things. job alert for 'awesome lifestyle writer' this morning. i guess this could be a backup plan (part of resume) if i decide to be whatever-turned-writer when i'm 25 WTF I'M 23

(also - whatsapp/new messaging app needs bold and italics. nobody gives a fuck about underline they look like hyperlinks but yknow, fake.)

/

seems like i had a tendency to lock and move pretty frequently back in 2008 (vaguely remember it being a not-liking-what-i've-written slash-and-burn start-anew thing) 

and now i bravely open up my closet! (lol so narnia) my teenage pretentiousness! my attempts at being cool! different! funny! i don't know man what is this parody of life

reading through posts - mostly TAI/Obama 2008. then photobucket apologising because some 'person moved or deleted the image'

[blogging-actcool is totally different from twitter-actcool which is different from facebook-actcool] mindblown.gif 
you don't act cool on tumblr tho. tumblr is your pink heart centre.

actually my physical closet needs more cleaning. so many clothes for my future self to wear, W0WZ3RS. year after year of packing but no diff leh. Mao exploits its dark corners more than i do.

anyway does this mean i am becoming more adult-ish? baring my soul, leech me dry, i ain't bothered!!!

or am i just being hiaow? used to have these self-regulated anti-selfies protocol. lines are blurring. i am becoming a pop princess

/

considering that my last post is dated 11/19/08 i kind of just decided i'd embark on the mission of What Has Changed? 

lists as usual. favourita

1. i have a cat now
   this is the first thing that came to mind. obvious. physical. mammal. in 2008 i'd never have thought... prissy father and all. father is still prissy, or worse, but IDGAFness ages well
2. less epiphanies - not sure if the ideas and thoughts i had were worth having but my mind was busy at least
3. everything seems so mild. is it sad that i had more concrete ideas of dreams than i do now? it used to be 'things i wanna do' that exploded in the brain but now... lacking. i still seem to want to have a taste of everything. right now - NIKE. might change. who knows.
4. phone
   MOSTDEF i was very adamant at remaining at Nokia sepia level. anti-technology much?
   these days - mostly embracing and excelling. still can manage w/o phone though. and, back to nokia <3
5. gym
   best thing i ever did signing that comtract for pinoy salesperson last august
   comes with complimentary hot instructors (ahhhhhhhh whole other potential topic)

daily life - wake, plow, gym
twenties twenties twenties
seems like i have skipped a whole part of life between 2008-2012
ok i gotta upkeep this

need some clarity in my life 
also, need a notebook. typing notes on phone too slow, man. no feel


meanwhile imma set this html up, lol

hurdur

OMG EPIC

CALMING My tits...